When Is the Right Time to Transition?

Self portrait late 2007

I sometimes have difficulty understanding the way trans people identify with the period of time they transitioned.  I've heard words like "late transitioners" most often used to describe those in their 50's and up along with the term "early transitioners" used to describe children and teenagers who were allowed to transition at a young age with the help of their parents or once they moved out on their own.  But I don't identify with either of those.  I guess I'm a "middle transitioner," and quite frankly for me, I couldn't wait any longer.

When I was in college in the early 1990's, I finally discovered that transsexualism was becoming better understood, and I sought after every book at the massive university library I could to learn more.  Seeing graphic illustrations of SRS (or GCS, or whatever we're calling it nowadays) looked excruciatingly painful, but that didn't stop me from smiling, knowing that change was possible, and wishing I could somehow make that happen in my own life.  I'd spend years afterward wrestling with my faith over this, all the while working towards building a career and family.  But years of sweeping under the carpet the longing to be whole eventually took its toll on me, and depression along with the dysphoria became more unbearable than ever.  I just wanted to be treated for this, I just wanted to get better.

Necklace given to me by a dear friend who shared its meaning in THIS post:  

While in my early to mid 30's, I felt the ability to reach the goal of authenticity slipping through my fingers.  Looking at myself in the mirror, testosterone continued to alter my body in ways I loathed.  My mind and body were heading in opposite directions.  Eventually, with the help of the one I love, I sought help because I couldn't bear the idea of living the rest of my life in this incongruent body and mind.  For me, being a "late transitioner" was out of the question.  For me, it was then or never.  So I transitioned in my 30's, and though I have few regrets in some of the wrong choices I made, I don't regret getting the help I needed and moving forward...falling forward.  Most of my close friends believe that it was the right choice for me.  I'd have to agree with that.  It got better.  I got better.

So back to the question I posed in the title of this post: when is the right time to transition?  The bottom line is that no one can ever tell you to transition.  For many, financial issues are almost always at the forefront of any decision to transition.  Most health insurance companies do not cover any procedures related to "sex transformations," at least that's what my provider calls it.  Yet the American Medical Association along with other organizations believe that transsexuality is a medical condition that should be covered.  Trans people in England and Canada have access to medical treatment, but we've got a long way to go before we see that available in the states.

Self portrait - late 2007

And as for those who can afford transition, it's certainly not inexpensive.  And if you are able to finance your way through transition, when is the right time to do so?  Should you not transition because you're married?  Should you stay in the relationship that you got into before you transitioned (and does he or she even know)?  What about the kids?  And what about the fear of being discriminated against and terminated at work?  These are some really tough questions that only you can answer.  One of the best things that was helpful to me was finding a really understanding therapist who specialized in gender and sex issues.  Some of my friends who transitioned felt very little value in counseling and were able to transition successfully without any outside help.

There's clearly no right way to transition just because everyone has unique hurdles to overcome.  I transitioned in my 30's because, at that point in my life, I had to.  Regretting that I didn't transition sooner only erases the value in the experiences I received through those years, in the people I met, and in the family I have have and love today.  I used to wish that I'd just been born in the right body of a girl.  But in doing so I was denying the beauty of the process of becoming me, the woman I am today.  As in the words of a song from the Broadway musical RENT, "There's only now, there's only this, forget regret, or life is yours to miss."

Have you transitioned?  If so, when was the right time for you?

Are you thinking of transitioning?  When is the right time for you?

Do you wish and feel like you HAVE to transition but are paralyzed in fear that you won't make it?  What are those fears keeping you from getting help?

If you're none of the above but you have insight on this, what are you thoughts on the matter?