And sometimes you have a moment that is so unforgettable that you write it down for fear of some day losing that memory... like a conversation I had with a friend over breakfast this morning.
Because Susan was a direct witness of my transition, she had a few questions about the process and how I was coping. After I updated her on life since that gloriously legal day, the conversation quickly transitioned into the adversity of, well...transition. Susan openly shared of her personal strife in gaining a level of understanding for me and my situation primarily by putting herself in my shoes and imagining how difficult it must have been to do what I did. She was able to put aside her initial perceptions by finding within herself a place for sympathy or empathy for me.
It's not an easy thing to do. Not by anyone. I know I still have trouble pausing to reflect on what might be someone just having a bad day. Haven't we all jumped head first to cast a stone or two in our lives? So, so wrong, and we realize it too late after we've already struck out with ferocious judgmental words that hurt.
What Susan saw in me made my eyes water as we sat at the table. She defined the process of my transition by the amount of courage she knew was needed to stand up to be my true self. I was immediately thankful that she shared so bluntly with me, a trait she admits is sometimes not always a positive. I acknowledged that there were some emotionally intense days and nights of bitter weeping involved, particularly concerning the relationship between my wife and I. But there was a reason and a hope that brought me through those cloudy days. Friends, family, and my faith all worked sometimes incohesively to hold me up when I could no longer stand.
In the course of the conversation, I was able to describe how one of the best tools I used to create bridges of understanding was that of learning to be understanding and to take an interest in the lives of others too. I never wanted to be the woman who made this all about myself and to-hell-with-what-everyone-else thinks-or-feels. I tried to seek opportunities to find out what hellishly traumatic experiences they endured, and what I found was that we all share a commonality in experiencing, enduring, and overcoming the pain and sadness of life's many storms. I've shared this before but I feel the need to write about it again because it's becoming a foundation of truth to me.
At that point in the conversation, I had the opportunity to learn more about the trials she's faced. I felt honored to hear Susan open up about a period of painful years that had the potential to unravel her family's bond. I asked if she felt completely lost and helpless during those moments of fear. Susan answered honestly that when everything swirling around her pressed her to give in, she felt a peace within her heart speaking that everything was going to be alright. She knew she couldn't give in or let go. She could make it through the vortex if she held on, and when all was said and done she came through it intact with an even greater blessing for her family. Overcoming the adversity brought her closer to her children and to her faith. And she grew as a person.
I hope to have more conversations with Susan. I can already tell that she has a treasure trove of wisdom just waiting to be shared. I hope she will share more of those precious memories with me someday. I am more than willing to learn vicariously through others.
By the way, if you are like me and have trouble retaining important thoughts without the use of a notebook or planner, consider Evernote. It is a FREE cloud-based program developed to help you take notes via text, photos, videos, or any other digital clipping, and you can access it where ever you go. I downloaded the application for Blackberry, my Macbook Pro, and installed the Firefox add-on. It's helped me piece together several of my thoughts for my last several posts, and I have to admit I was skeptical at first but have come to love Evernote (Get it HERE).
Thank God for little gizmos that help me remember. And thank God for friends.
